Why Love Hurts. A Sociological. Explanation. Eva Illouz polity The right of Eva Illouz to be identified as Author of this Work has been asserted in accordance. Why Love Hurts has ratings and 46 reviews. Faith said: I’ll be honest: I didn’t finish the book because I skimmed through the last two chapters and d. 17 Dec I read Eva Illouz’s Why Love Hurts with both personal and professional interest. As a divorced rabbi who meets with hundreds of singles and.

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What’s particularly interesting to lovs is how Illouz’s conclusions line up with those of other critics of modernity who start from very different points. Feb 28, Chris Tempel rated it it was ok. Nowadays, we shy away from assigning blame in others because it would cause us to appear judgemental, but in fact, this separation of ethics and the realm of dating and relationships is what’s harmful.

Why Love Hurts – Eva Illouz

In that ambitious intent, you need good material, and this book over-relies on internet posts and Victorian novels to prove its point.

The role of popular clinical psychology in shaping modern identity Illouz argues that psychology is absolutely central to the constitution of modern identity and to modern emotional life: Despite the widespread and almost collective character of these experiences, our culture insists they are the result of faulty or insufficiently mature psyches. As a woman, reading this book was interesting for me because it was so easy to relate to; however, I believe there is sort of a bias involved in the writing of the book being as Illouz is a feminist sociologist.

A great book that shows changes in the conceptualization of love – the way it was portrayed and thus experienced in the nineteenth century and in post modernity – although the author doesn’t use the term postmodernity, only modernity which I find confusing.

It pushes the puzzle of sociology to the huets Commodities of many kinds — soaps, refrigerators, vacation packages, watches, diamonds, cereals, cosmetics, and many others — were presented as enabling the experience of love and romance.

When they become mothers, most women keep working because work has become a part of self-fulfilment and because household expenditures now demand dual income. In any case, despite the proclaimed target demographic, I do think this book has something to say to anyone who is struggling to understand why love hurts in a supposed age of increased jllouz equality and sexual liberation. It is this social-psychic trajectory which Illouz posits as the modern condition of love; an experience that is shaped through llove suffering.


Ambivalence is not intrinsic to the psyche but is a property of ollouz institutions that organize our lives. It will surely prove to make a valuable contribution as an addition to student reading lists, both for the ideas that it puts forward and for the lively debate and heart-felt discussion that it will generate among both women and men. He will have to compete with an angelic Patrick Swayze.

Because passion is short-lived, this results in our pattern of serial monogamy — repeated divorce and remarriage, leaving a trail of destruction. Because his scorn doesn’t shape or affect her sense of self and value. Pre-Modern relationship experience was tightly governed by a clear system of signs which codified and ritualised signs of feeling. The book itself has an easy flow in its structure, but the content within the chapters can get pretty messy. Return to Book Page.

She quotes literature, as if uneasily aware that artists have done much of her sociological work before she got there. Love is more than a cultural ideal; it is a social foundation for the self. Contemporary experience, she argues, is constituted through the de-regulation of marriage markets and freedoms around the choice of partner.

And with a bonus: Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships. Illouz argues that while women are still told to settle down, men are given a different message that bases their masculinity on how much currency they hold in the sex market. Such cultural invocation might, in fact, take us closer to hudts goals of feminism, which have been to build ethical and emotional models congruent with the social experience of women. Illouz is a wonderful author who very easily conveys her ideas to her audience and leaves no room for misinterpretation.

I loved also that the author makes a case against the psychologization of all these difficulties. For those in her target audience, namely heterosexual Western women, Illouz burts to offer a compelling account of how suffering in love has come to be internalized as personal failure. Indeed for me, it is the homogeneity which underpins this book which is its weakest feature.


Fairy tales end at the beginning because the ending is not so enchanting. With the advent of the Internet and social media networks we can all the more readily replace real interactions with manufactured ones. I have some ideas if anyone’s interested. To stave off suffering, Illouz believes we have retreated into our imagination and fantasy, into realms that we can control, where we can orchestrate the emotional experience.

These, she demonstrates, enable men to achieve fulfilment and a sense of self worth through their public status, such as a successful career. There are other significant omissions which are equally troublesome. I think many people who didn’t like this book felt so because they expected self-help advice and not an academic exercise of actual sociology. Books by Eva Illouz.

It focuses on the ways it has changed for the worse, but simply because that is what troubles us, not as a way to claim the pre-modern ways to love were superior or more desirable.

An Age of Broken Glances: On “Why Love Hurts” – Los Angeles Review of Books

It is not our own fault love hurts, Illouz tells us; it is inherent to our modern condition. It’s just that modernity breeds complications of its own illoiz complexities without precedent, that seem to stunt our ability to feel love and passion, and paralyze our inner lives in indecisiveness, fear and feelings of inadequacy.

I didn’t finish the book because I skimmed through the last two chapters and didn’t find them interesting subject matter. Description Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships.

You can find a lot of explanations about the act of love in Jane Austen’s books, so a little tip So, this book was not my cup of tea.

He soon learns that all of London is talking about the work. View all 3 comments. Illouz describes her research as being heteronormative.

Her previous lovw include Cold Intimacies: As the author states in the epilogue, her project has been to write a Marx for the feels. Das Buch hat mir sehr gut gefallen.